RECAP GUEST BLOG: When Your Child Has Started School but Doesn’t Seem to Be Settling - A Guide for Parents

Bio: Michelle Windridge is the National Education Lead for School-Based EYFS, championing and supporting high-quality early years provision nationwide. With over 20 years’ experience in primary and early years education, she brings together classroom expertise, school leadership, and national strategic insight.

She writes regularly for TES, Teach Early Years, and Early Years Educator Magazine, and contributes to higher education as an External Examiner for Primary Education Studies and Early Childhood Studies. Her background spans senior school leadership, lecturing in education, and achieving FHEA status for her impact on teaching and learning in higher education.

---

Starting school is a major milestone for any child, and for many families, it brings a mix of excitement, pride, and worry. While some children stride into their new classrooms with confidence, others take longer to feel secure. If your child has started school but does not seem to be settling, you are not alone. Many children need more time, reassurance and support than we expect, and there are positive, practical steps you can take.

Understanding When Your Child Has to Start School

In England, children must start full-time education by the beginning of the term after their fifth birthday. This is known as reaching “compulsory school age,” which falls on the first 31st of December, 31st of March or 31st of August after they turn five (whichever comes first).

Although most children start Reception in the September of the school year they turn five, they do not have to start school until they reach compulsory school age. This means that some families choose to delay starting school or begin part-time.  Schools differ in how they apply this in practice, so this is a conversation to have directly with the school to explore your options, understand their admissions position, and clarify what flexibility might be possible for your child (startingreception.co.uk, 2025).

If You Feel Your Child Wasn’t Ready

Most children start Reception in the September after their fourth birthday. But if your child has only just turned four, you may feel they were not ready.

The law allows for flexible starts, including:

• Part-time attendance

• Starting later in the year

• Starting the following September, after they turn five

If your child is struggling to settle, revisiting these options with the school may be appropriate. You know your child best, and schools can be more flexible than many parents realise.

Talk to Your Child’s Teacher: They Want to Hear from You

If your child is struggling to settle, one of the most valuable steps you can take is to talk directly to their teacher about what might help them feel a stronger sense of belonging. Teachers want their children to feel safe, included and confident, and you know your child in a way no one else does.

As someone who taught Reception for 20 years, I can reassure you: your child’s teacher will welcome this conversation. Sharing insights into what comforts your child, what worries them, and what helps them feel secure gives the teacher practical tools to support them. Working together makes a huge difference to a child’s confidence and wellbeing at school.

Create Clear, Manageable Communication with School

Every school communicates differently. Some use apps for homework and announcements; others rely on email.

Spend some time to:

• Ensure you can log into the school’s online systems

• Understand who to contact and how

• Clarify the best way to raise concerns

• Know when key activities happen (e.g., forest school, PE days)

As children move through school, they are expected to take increasing responsibility for communication, but many will still need support. Striking a balance between prompting your child and nurturing their independence is challenging, but it becomes easier with a reliable communication structure in place.

When Anxiety or SEND Needs Affect School Attendance

For some children, settling difficulties are rooted in anxiety, sensory challenges or underlying SEND needs. This can impact attendance, sometimes significantly.

Reduced or Part-Time Timetables

The Department for Education’s Working Together to Improve School Attendance guidance notes that “Good attendance starts with close and productive relationships with parents and pupils” (DfE, 2024).  It’s important to remember that your child is just at the start of their school journey; education is a marathon, not a sprint. Schools want every child to thrive and are usually happy to work with you to create a plan that meets your child’s individual needs, which may sometimes include a reduced timetable. Speaking directly with the school about what will help your child feel secure and confident is a positive first step and can make a real difference in schooling journey. 

Some families find that when schools focus on the child’s needs, not the clock, reduced timetables become an effective scaffold, allowing children to rebuild their confidence gradually and safely. In some cases, families adopt approaches similar to flexi-schooling, combining part-time attendance with supportive learning at home.

If your child is finding the full school day too much, talk to the school about a needs-led, carefully monitored timetable rather than one driven solely by deadlines.

Working Together Really Matters

The most important thing is partnership. Your child’s school should want to work collaboratively with you, and you bring invaluable knowledge as the person who knows your child best.

Together you can:

• Identify barriers

• Put support in place

• Adapt the environment

• Review what’s working

• Celebrate small steps

Children flourish when adults around them communicate openly, share information and keep the child’s wellbeing at the centre of every decision.

If Your Child Still Isn’t Settling

Some children simply need more time. Others may need adjustments, pastoral support or a gradual approach to attendance. And some may need further assessment for underlying SEND or anxiety-related difficulties.

If you remain concerned, don’t wait; reach out to:

• The class teacher

• The school's Special Educational Needs and/or Disabilities Coordinator (SENCO)

• The pastoral or wellbeing team

• Your GP (if you suspect an anxiety disorder or mental health difficulty)

Early conversations prevent problems from becoming bigger and help children feel understood before distress builds.

Final Thoughts

Starting school is a huge transition. Struggling to settle does not mean your child is failing, or that you are. With the right understanding, communication and support, children can grow to feel safe, confident and ready to learn in their new environment.

References: 

DfE (2024) Working together to improve school attendance Statutory guidance for maintained schools, academies, independent schools and local authorities. Available at: https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66bf300da44f1c4c23e5bd1b/Working_together_to_improve_school_attendance_-_August_2024.pdf.

Home - Starting Reception (2025) Starting Reception. Available at: https://startingreception.co.uk.

‌