You’re Not Doing Parenting Wrong - You’re Parenting Without a Manual
- Lucie Wheeler
- Jan 8
- 4 min read
If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake at night replaying the day, wondering whether you handled something “right”… this is for you.
If you’ve ever read one article that says do this, another that says never do that, and a third that makes you feel quietly judged for even asking… this is for you too.
And if you’ve ever thought, Why does everyone else seem to know what they’re doing except me?
I want to gently say this first:
You're not doing parenting wrong. You are doing something deeply complex, deeply human - without a manual!
Parenting isn’t instinct or expertise - it’s both (and more)
There’s a myth that parenting should come naturally. That if you’re loving enough, calm enough, patient enough, you’ll just know what to do.
There’s another myth at the opposite end: that if you just read enough books, follow the right accounts, listen to the right experts, you’ll eventually crack the code.
The reality for most parents sits somewhere in the middle and often nowhere near either extreme.
Parenting is lived in real time. With real children. On real days. When you’re tired, overstimulated, juggling work, money, health, relationships, and a thousand invisible decisions.
It’s not a controlled environment. And yet, so much advice assumes that it is.
Why parenting can feel so hard (even when you’re trying your best)
Many parents I speak to through RECAP say the same thing in different words:
“I just want to know if I’m doing the right thing.”
What they often mean is:
Am I harming my child without realising it?
Why does this feel harder than I expected?
Why does everyone else seem more confident?
Why does advice feel so conflicting?
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: parenting advice often isn’t designed with real family life in mind.
Research studies, professional guidance, social media tips - they all have value.
But they are usually:
Based on averages, not individuals
Written for ideal conditions, not messy reality
Simplified for headlines, not nuance
Disconnected from the emotional weight parents carry
When those messages are taken out of context, they can quietly turn into self-doubt.
Not because you’re failing, but because the information isn’t supporting you properly.
When advice becomes pressure instead of support
Advice is meant to help. But for many parents, it does the opposite.
Instead of feeling informed, they feel:
Overwhelmed
Judged
Afraid of “getting it wrong”
Stuck between doing something and doing nothing
And when things don’t work the way the article promised they would, the blame rarely falls on the advice.
It falls on the parent.
Maybe I’m not consistent enough.
Maybe I’m too soft.
Maybe I’m too strict
Maybe I’ve already messed this up.
This is where confidence starts to erode - not because parents don’t care, but because they care deeply and are trying to navigate impossible expectations.
You’re Not Doing Parenting Wrong because children are not the same.
One of the biggest problems with parenting advice is the idea that there is a universal solution.
But children are different.
Families are different.
Circumstances are different.
What works beautifully for one child may be completely wrong for another and that doesn’t mean either parent is doing it wrong.
Some children need structure like oxygen. Others need flexibility to breathe. Some thrive on predictability. Others need room to adapt and recover.
Good parenting is not about following rules perfectly. It’s about responding thoughtfully to your child, in your context, at that moment in time.
That’s not failure. That’s skill.
So where does research fit in?
Research matters. Evidence matters. Credible information matters.
But research is meant to inform, not instruct blindly.
Good research:
Helps us understand patterns, not prescribe scripts
Offers guidance, not guarantees
Supports reflection, not compliance
The problem isn’t parents accessing research - it’s parents being given research without explanation, without context, and without permission to adapt it.
That’s where confusion creeps in.
And that’s where RECAP comes in too.
Why RECAP exists
RECAP was created because I saw a gap and lived it myself.
A gap between:
Academic research and everyday parenting
Expert advice and lived experience
“Best practice” and real-life practice
Parents don’t need more noise. They don’t need to be told what they should be doing. They don’t need perfection.
They need:
Clear, accessible explanations
Information they can trust
Space to think, not pressure to perform
Reassurance that adapting doesn’t mean failing
RECAP exists to help parents feel confident - not confused- when engaging with information.
You don’t need a manual - you need support, context, and trust
If there were a parenting manual, it would probably start with this:
This will not go to plan. And that’s okay.
Parenting isn’t about ticking boxes or getting gold stars. It’s about learning, adjusting, repairing, and trying again.
You are allowed to:
Change your mind
Try something and decide it doesn’t fit your family
Take advice and leave parts of it behind
Trust your instincts alongside good information
You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t need to justify every choice you make.
You are already doing something extraordinary - showing up, caring, and trying in a world that offers very little certainty.
A gentle reminder, before you go
If today felt hard, that doesn’t mean you’re failing. If something didn’t work, that doesn’t mean you’ve broken anything. If you’re questioning yourself, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
It means you’re parenting.
And you’re doing it without a manual - but not without care, thought, or love.
That matters more than you might realise. 💛
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