Rachel Ballantyne is an English teacher and 11+ and 13+ specialist tutor, with 12 years of teaching experience and 10 years in tutoring across all key stages. She holds an MA in Education, a PGCE in English and Qualified Teacher Status. She is currently working towards an Education Doctorate (2025), specialising in the experiences of women working in education after motherhood. Rachel has a deep passion for literacy, GCSE and A-Level English, and supporting children’s emotional development through storytelling. She has two boys: Eddy (4) and Ollie (2) and is a reluctant marathon runner and complete bookworm.
Why Mog Had to Die
We recently lost our loveable fluffball cat, Tia. She had been part of our family for years, curling on anyone and everyone’s lap, leaving fluff literally everywhere, following us around the house mewling for more food… despite having just been fed. Then she was gone.
My four-year-old asked where she was. I hesitated, searching for a way to soften the truth. "She’s not here anymore," I said, feeling a lump rise in my throat. But that wasn’t enough. His little face scrunched up in confusion. "Will she come back?"
That moment made me realise how unprepared I was to talk about death with my little one. Like many parents, I wanted to protect him from sadness and pain. Research shows that avoiding the topic of death does more harm than good.
The Research
📖 67% of parents avoid discussing death with their children, worrying it will upset them (Nuss, 2014).
🐾 75% of children lose a pet by age 12, yet only 49% receive guidance on how to cope (McNeil, 1982).
💬 Children who read about grief develop 40% better emotional regulation than those shielded from the topic (Arruda-Colli et al., 2017).
🧠 Unprocessed grief in childhood increases the risk of anxiety by 52% and depression by 41% later in life (Kaplow et al., 2014).
I didn’t want my child to feel confused or alone. I turned to books, hoping they would provide the words I struggled to find. That’s when I rediscovered Goodbye Mog by Judith Kerr.
Why Goodbye Mog Matters
Judith Kerr, best known for The Tiger Who Came to Tea, understood loss deeply. She fled Nazi Germany as a child and experienced grief at an early age. In Goodbye Mog, she brings that understanding to children, helping them process what it means to lose someone they love.
Mog, the much-loved family cat, grows older and slower until she dies. Her family grieves, but in time they remember her with love. The story does not skip past the pain. It does not pretend that death is not sad. It shows children that while loss is difficult, love and memories remain.
How to Talk About Loss with Children
✅ Talk openly. Silence makes grief scarier. Using books like Goodbye Mog helps children understand loss in a way that feels safe and familiar.
✅ Acknowledge emotions. Children who feel heard and supported cope 60% better than those told to move on (Corr, 2020). Saying "I know this is really sad" reassures them that their feelings are normal.
✅ Reassure them. Love and memories do not disappear. Stories like Goodbye Mog show children that while someone may be gone, they are still part of us in our hearts and minds.
The night after we read Goodbye Mog, my son looked up at the stars and said, "Maybe Tia is watching us, like Mog." His voice was steady and thoughtful. The book had not erased his sadness, but it had given him a way to understand and talk about it.
Final Thoughts
Avoiding the topic of grief does not protect children. It leaves them feeling uncertain and alone. Talking about loss and sharing stories that explore emotions help them build the resilience they need to cope with life's challenges.
Recommended Reading
📖 Kerr, J. (2002). Goodbye Mog. HarperCollins
📖 Dyregrov, A. (2008). Grief in Children: A Handbook for Adults. Jessica Kingsley Publishers
🌍 Winston’s Wish - www.winstonswish.org
Question for You
How do you talk to children about loss? Have any books helped your family navigate grief?
Share your thoughts below.
References
Arruda-Colli, M. N. F., Weaver, M. S., & Wiener, L. (2017). Communication about dying, death, and bereavement: A systematic review of children's literature. Journal of Palliative Medicine. Available at: https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/jpm.2016.0494
Kaplow, J. B., Layne, C. M., Pynoos, R. S., Cohen, J. A., & Lieberman, A. F. (2014). Psychopathology, bereavement, and efficacy of an adapted trauma-focused cognitive behavioural intervention for young children. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 43(3), 361-371. Available at: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15374416.2013.828296
McNeil, J. N. (1982). Young mothers' communication about death with their children. Death Education, Taylor & Francis. Available at: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/07481188308252139
Nuss, S. L. (2014). Redefining parenthood: Surviving the death of a child. Cancer Nursing. Available at: https://journals.lww.com/cancernursingonline/fulltext/2014/01000/Redefining_Parenthood__Surviving_the_Death_of_a.18.aspx
コメント